Helping Others Heal Blog #12: Miss me with “I miss you.”
When we think in terms of the word “miss,” it typically evokes running late to a bus pulling away from your stop or not seeing your favorite musical artist because you were home ill. Now, more often than not, the notion of being missed is in terms of an emotional response. You were in a relationship that has now ended and feel the heaviness of that loss. However, this loss is not due to the permanent event of death. No, you can still see this person on Facebook, laughing with someone new. Or pass them in the office, where your connection began. You know, the loss where someone is absent, and happily so, from your life.
It’s time for a tough look at YOU. Is the smile you see on their Facebook page one that you once proudly helped to put in their face, only to later be guilty that their tears were more of what you provided? Are happy hour outings, that you are not invited to, due to being careless with the needs of that friend? It may not be pleasant to ponder but it is true: people that do not get treated the way they deserve to be treated (with care and respect) eventually get exhausted. And their exhaustion is typically only quelled by not allowing you to continue to hurt them.
As people we have all let our partners down. That is the burden of humanity – we are flawed individuals with the capacity to take people for granted. Lesson learned (hopefully) and we strive to be better people in our next go round. Not perfect, because that will never happen. Just BETTER. Better at hearing your partner’s needs. Better at being less selfish. Better at placing value on those that we say we care about and demonstrating it.
Here are some new tactics to make a part of your routine. Instead of being a Facebook stalker (you know who you are!), trying to convince yourself the one you miss is wearing a fake smile, why not be grateful for the time you had with them and work on improving how you treat others? Don’t nurse vodka on the rocks sitting across the bar (green with envy) and telling yourself that he “supposedly” is having fun. Be happy for him and imagine yourself being with new people that you put in the time and energy to nurture. Invest that energy in being more kind to yourself, which in turn should allow you to be kinder to others. Stop missing people and become the person that is valuable enough that others want in their lives.