Are you in a relationship where there are topics that cannot be addressed? You both know there are issues but the discussions around those talks come with hurt feelings, the silent treatment and general discontentment. If this is you, here is the news flash: a relationship where everything cannot be discussed is a relationship that is not healthy. You should not be your partner’s mind reader any more than you can expect to have your needs met if you do not address what is unfulfilling.
Let’s get more specific and talk about sex. Is pleasure a free and open conversation? Does your partner know what pleases you and makes it their aim to satisfy your desires? Do you welcome honest feedback on how to fulfill their needs? Sexual activity is and should be a transparent dialogue, particularly in a partnership. Connecting your life with someone who has taken on the assignment of caring for your heart also mandates that they care for how to please you sexually. If this is all new information and a bit scary, let’s figure out how to fix it.
Our history is clear: sex was definitively a taboo subject up until the 1960’s. The Sexual Revolution of the 60’s and early 70’s proved to be a time of relaxing the standard on how “unseemly” it was to talk about our sexual needs. Yet here we are, nearly 60 years later, and couples still have unmet needs, lack sexual satisfaction and feel like no sex is better than bad sex. As natural and normal as the act of sex is, it appears to be one of the toughest conversations that couples can undertake. When we fail to address tough topics, we will ultimately find ourselves in a desert of displeasure and hopelessly wondering whether it is worth it to even try. The drought of a desert is not a good location when water is available.
While it may not be easy to tell your partner you have unfulfilled fantasies or that your “sexy time” is as far away from sexy as the grass is to the sky, there is a way to say, “Hey, we need to tackle this together.” Sadly, statistics show that unmet needs can lead to affairs and at the very least, hurt feelings centered around whether you are desirable to your partner. That is a tough way to walk through the journey of love with someone.
Whether you need to address being sexually inexperienced or how to explore some non-traditional/kink topics, let me help you have the conversation. Love should feel good, and great sex is certainly a dimension of that goodness. Happy to help you make sense of it all!
**Free resource**
Please send me a message to my encrypted email and I’ll send you a resource on how to discuss “non-vanilla” sexual topics. You and your partner may share a good chuckle, perhaps. But what you will certainly get is a way to talk openly and honestly about your sexual needs and preferences. The secure email is helpingothersheal@proton.me for the free discussion guide.
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