Relationships filled with attachment, security and adoration are what we all want. Someone you look forward to coming home to after a day of expectations from others is what we crave. A date night with hands touching and smiles radiating across the table. A huge, shared box of popcorn watching a romantic comedy at the movies. These moments help to build on feeling closer and enjoying the joys of life. But who is making time for these experiences? Life is more than hectic, typically two earners with stressful careers, a couple of children and limited time to nurture the love we want and deserve. That leads to limited quality time to replenish one another after long work weeks and too many responsibilities to perform. Sadly, this results in diminished intimacy – sexually and otherwise – poor communication and unresolved conflicts. This distance, over an extended span of time, can lead the couple to ponder, “Is this as good as it gets?”
Fortunately, the answer is No. This can get better and you can have more as a couple. The first step is to acknowledge that something has to change in both of you. When there is a love partnership, both parties must do the work to make good love successful. There are no exceptions. Should the couple fail to see that something is required from each of them, nothing will change. Both people must be committed to taking the steps to bring more to the proverbial love table.
Next, renew your commitment to making your love a priority. Most couples can remember a time when they were clear that “us time” was high on their list of life. Long days at work seemed bearable because seeing your partner that evening brought a smile to your face. Take advantage of all the time you can squeeze into a day. A time of parallel play (the term used for when a couple is together in a common space, engaged in their individual activities, with time to laugh, touch or create banter is involved) still qualifies as a time to feel connection and boost the affinity towards one another. This commitment is intentional and says, “We will make time for memories and to be connected to one another.”
Lastly, remind yourselves that this new commitment must be maintained at all costs. Most couples will begin the practice of spending more time together then sadly allow the busyness of life to disrupt their most treasured asset: their love. Recruit family and friends by planning ahead to make the time to be together. If work is the time thief, you need to address whether what you are giving up in your love affair will sustain you once the job is gone, either in retirement or a layoff. Most would say nothing is more important than the heart you chose to cherish. If that is how you truly feel – or want to feel again – make yourself accountable to clear boundaries and covet that time you want to give to one another.
None of us will ever get around how many obligations come with this life. It can be difficult to think about how to live more richly when we are tired and stretched thin. But at the end of this life, what we will carry away with us are the most important moments we made with those that we loved and loved us in return. If you have allowed that to be less of a concern in your life, remind yourself of what really matters. We only have one go at letting love be what we want it to be with the person we know deserves our best.
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