Helping Others Heal Blog #11: I Need You.
It’s amazing that when you ask someone what they need, the physiological needs are typically all that come to mind. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines physiological as characteristic of or appropriate to an organism’s healthy or normal functioning. So yes – air, water, food, shelter and clothing are things we need. It is RARE to hear that a spouse/partner is added to the list of need. “My partner isn’t a need like I need water,” or “I don’t need my wife to breathe,” are often the initial thoughts. What if there was something so vital to your well-being, like water and air, which made your life worth living and had the capacity to make it more fulfilling? There is. It’s called PEOPLE.
Take a moment. That’s a huge notion, but it is true. Take the term, “dying of a broken heart.” It is common that when one of the partners in a lifelong love affair passes away, the remaining partner dies in close proximity to the initial passing. There are numerous studies that prove that the touch of someone can lower your blood pressure, improves your immune system and releases the “good juices” in your brain (serotonin and dopamine) that reduce anxiety and stress. There must be some truth to needing to have companionship and closeness with someone to make life worth living.
Do you need your partner/spouse? Is having them in your life something that brings you a sense of peace, warmth and security? Does having their presence invoke comfort and calm? Do you feel like they make you a better man/woman? Hopefully you can say YES to each of those questions. If you cannot, simply put, ONE OF YOU IS UNNECESSARY.
We live a life that is far too short to not share it with someone we love and that loves us in return. If you cannot say of your mate that you need them, ask yourself: does that level of vulnerability and openness scare me or is it that I’m in a relationship where my needs are not being met? If vulnerability is scary and makes you feel unsure, get help to understand how you can overcome that fear.
Give needing your partner a try. Take a moment to get close, look them in the eye and utter these simple but powerful words: I need you. When you are loved well, needing someone will taste like clean drinking water and breathing in fresh air. Let today be the first day that you feel safe to need your partner.